A Chink in My Armor by Cathy Herholdt
Thursday January 5th 2012
A Chink in My Armor
“In my alarm I said, ‘I am cut off from your sight!’
You heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help.”
– Psalm 31:22
The enemy has found one of my weak spots — something he knew would take me to the brink of despair. It has evoked such fear and panic in me that I feel hopeless, even in God’s ability, or willingness to help me.
I did the only thing left I knew to do after struggling and battling on my own for a time — I turned to the Word for help. But the enemy was even there in my quiet time, brutally twisting God’s words. Did God really say he would help you? Then why hasn’t he yet? He taunted me.
In my despair it appeared that indeed, the enemy was correct. Many of the verses I read seemed to have some connotation that it was up to me to do my part to fix this: “Do not be afraid…” I read in Isaiah 43:5 and John 14:27. But I’m trying! The fear is much, much bigger than me. I cannot overcome it. “Be strong and take heart …” says Psalm 31:24. I can’t. I’m weaker than I’ve ever been — even to the point of feeling physically frail. And then there’s I Corinthians 10:13: “And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” But I’m there, Lord. I’m beyond what I can bear. Can’t you see that? “Trust in the Lord …” I can’t. I’ve tried. Even one of my favorite verses, Isaiah 26:3, suddenly seemed to imply it was up to me to keep my mind steadfast, despite the scary thoughts have been so overwhelming: “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you.”
I could hear Satan mocking me: See, you’re supposed to just trust him more and you can’t even do that. If you were stronger and had more faith, you’d be free from this thing.
Then I read Psalm 31:22 and I felt a tender relief. “In my alarm I said, ‘I am cut off from your sight!’ You heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help.” Someone else had feared in their state of alarm that they had actually been cut off from God’s sight. This is exactly how I felt. There’s nothing in the second part of this verse that says I have to somehow control, fix, stop, take charge, or do anything in my weakness. All it says is that God hears my cry for mercy when I call for help. This I can believe, even in my worst state of despair. I know He hears me. And for now, that’s what I’m clinging to.
Soon, I know I will be able to claim promises of deliverance like Psalm 34:4: “I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” And Isaiah 35:3, “Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, ‘Be strong and do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.’”
Save me, Lord. I need nothing more than a Savior.
Cathy T., I never looked at this post after I sent it in to be uploaded, so I didn't see your comment until now. I'm so glad this ministered to you. And I'm thankful to know I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes. I am finding that when I cling to that thread of hope that He hears me, slowly, over time, He shows me He is answering too. Thanks for reading and commenting! - Cathy H.
Interesting that tonight I just "happened" on this post that you have shared and I knew that it was a message to me from the Lord and what I needed to hear right now. I've been struggling with some challenges in my life that seem overwhelming and have been weighing me down for some time. I've turned to the Lord and His Word and, like you, felt that I wasn't doing my part or holding up my end of the bargain. I feel fragile and very weak. I'm glad He hears my cry for mercy and that clinging to Him is enough.
